I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
