I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
