I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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