i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
