I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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