I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
