Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
