his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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