Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
