It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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