Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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