the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize