I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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