If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
