thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
