I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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