I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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