Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
