Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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