reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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