Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
