she looked like the before picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
