I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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