i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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