so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
