If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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