got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
