i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me