I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time