My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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