Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
bring money and cleavage
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.