another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.