Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
