I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
