I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
