i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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