he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
