Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
