i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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