in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
