My liver just broke up with me...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
