Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
