dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize