went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
