Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
