The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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