It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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