I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
