Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
