i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
