you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
