If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
