I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
