That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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