I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sex in a hospital.. check
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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