I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
