She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
