What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
