So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
