Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
