Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
