I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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