I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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