i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
