Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
