I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
