you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
