omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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