About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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