i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
