I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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