I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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