i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
