well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
