Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
