dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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