Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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