Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
