New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
