The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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