Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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