Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
