You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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