so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im holly from the hills drunk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
