Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As shirtless as possible
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
