That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
