where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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