So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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