Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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