Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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