Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
