i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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